thebest-memes:

"No matter how bad you fuck up at work, you didn’t fucked up this bad"

thebest-memes:

"No matter how bad you fuck up at work, you didn’t fucked up this bad"

nyxweaver:

grandtrilobyte-eleshnorn:

nyxweaver:

sarkhan-volkswagen:

nyxweaver:

abzan-houses:

nyxweaver:

y’all remember that game in elementary school where each person would say one word and the next person would say a word etc so it’d create a cohesive story? let’s do that:

Two

Thousand

men

ate

their

dicks.

well playtime is over you’re all grounded

orelpuppington:

isn’t it funny how people say ‘grilled cheese’ instead of ‘grilled cheese sandwich’? you could be talking about an actual piece of grilled che

i stopped typing because i realized that this is the single most worthless post ever conceived 

pinsir:

I’m still on tumblr because I want to see if we’ll ever drop the bar lower than thinking we could have infinite chocolate, if you ate it in a certain way

Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why you're so late?"
Me: Someone told me to go to hell
Me: Couldn't find it at first
Me: But now I'm here

fleeten:

don’t stare at the moon too long or else you’ll remember that nothing in this stupid fucking world makes sense

HOW TO COOK THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF PASTA:

sarcastic-sanity:

1. Pour out how much you think you need.

2. Wrong.